I waited months and months, staring at the tickets on the wall...Kiss & Deep Purple jokes, blah, blah, blah. Suddenly, the day was coming, and I stiffened up with anxiety and confusion. So if you met a person by the name of Malinky at Carnegie Hall on Saturday night, you spent time with someone I hired for the evening...
Or so I wished.
Upon exiting the subway, climbing steps and entering Columbus Circle, I could inhale the invigorating feeling of New York City's essence mixed thickly with Robot Skeleton Army...so that's what that is. I recognized it from the book signing but now it has a name.
I asked my friend Dave along, who is not an official Robot Skeleton but a fan of the show for many years...he passed the Malinky sniff test. As we started to head towards the iconic Carnegie Hall, I didn't notice I was walking so fast until I saw poor Dave in the distance. As we got closer, I swore I heard glimpses of conversation in passing..."Craig" *giggling* "In your pants" *giggling* "And then Malinky wrote.." *shock* Wot?!
"I swore I just heard my name Dave, lets walk faster..."
Honestly, the streets reminded me of Christmas time without the chilly temps, dirty snow and music being drilled into the skull...hustle and bustle, with such a very lovely softness of pleasantry and fun. Needless to say, I was quite excited, like a giddy fan indeed, and my mind wasn't letting the moment flee.
Apparently, 6:20 is too early for seating a 7:00 show at Carnegie Hall and waiting around the lobby was against my anxious needs, so Dave & I popped into a bar a block away for a quick drink, across the street from Carnegie Deli. After a quick drink and a minor heart attack over the check, we finally got to file into the bloody kingdom, holding the king hostage... Yes, I respect the historic aspect of CH but something about the place just rubs me the wrong way, perhaps it's the red coats the security people wear; Too much irony for my taste.
Started spotting skellies left and right...it was kinda awesome, a family reunion from the book signing at Barnes & Noble (*cough* not Borders...) with the added deliciousness of meeting new family members. Little did I know this was only the start of The Great Huggage... Lets not forget to wear the cap of reality, and remember there are a few family members you don't wish to see...who gives a crap, its a Craigy convention.
It was lovely to see Michael Naidus in proper lighting...it was as if La-La-Land came to New York City for the night. It was fun to flirt with James Lipton...I got minimal response, but a response none the less. The lights dimmed...we all promptly planted ourselves in anticipation.
Randy Kagan was introduced and really did an excellent job of getting the night started. It was my first live experience seeing Randy but I've read a lot of tour reviews thus far. I found Randy comfortable and warm, with amble rawness oozing out...he was fucking funny. For future audience members of Randy's set: young girls-don't bother trying to get in his pants, geriatrics-wear yer tightest girdle, dudes- don't wear sweaters, seriously. After reading the reviews for months and then seeing the show, it seems Randy gained some chops on this tour and he wears it well. Randy's set was way too short.
It was lovely to see Mister Ferguson come out, imprints of his soul now firmly established on the very stage that many greats stood before him. I had mixed emotions as a proud fan...finally, he was NYC's for the night but also, its another unexpected accomplishment to add to his life. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted maniacally scream and run around the auditorium tearing my clothes off, but I didn't...thank goodness.
"It's a Great Day for America Everybody!"
The crowd seemed to roar with a passionate response that gave me chills...am I the only freak that felt this? I didn't care because before I knew it, Craig was comfy and into his set and I was ready for the ride. It was rather refreshing to see His Chattiness cussing in a suit without a pixelated blob attached to his face. It was fun to see the show producer laughing at Craig in person. It was absolutely beautiful to look around at all the luscious faces with shit eating grins & perma-smiles, all focused on one thing, Craig holding his cock. Despite over a week of touring, he put on an energetic and funny show, and his fans responded with dancing crocodilios & howls of laughter. It felt so good to see this all happening for him, the second funniest person I know; okay, maybe third funniest person I know.
I didn't think it was possible but after the show, the escalation of excitement only grew with limited minor interuptions of bobbing and weaving hangers on & leeches. I quickly met some of the loveliest people, including the man himself. Yes, our Commander in Chief and his general briefly crossed paths, you know to exchange battle plans, go over information obtained by spies and distribute appropriate exchanges of respect and admiration.
I met so many nice people at the show and after, while waiting for Craig to come out the side stage door...I can't tell you how long we all stood around and waited but it didn't matter to me. I couldn't feel the cold but only the warmth of people around me laughing at the same things I laugh at. Finally, they gave in and we all headed a block away to sit down for some drinks and yum-yums. There was so much talking and laughing, I couldn't possibly think of eating and wasn't able to finish my drink.
This was a first time experience for me. On this night I got it. It was possible for some of Craig's fans to be fans of mine too...the love they showed is indescribable. It kept coming like ocean waves...with bear hugs. I don't usually swim in such waters. The kind words, the sweet smiles, the sneaky Mister Nancy grilling Dave like a cheeseburger to find out my name... *sigh* all quite unforgettably fun & special.
To me, looking back, it was possibly a once in a lifetime chance... I started this as a hobby because I am an insomniac and Craig's show got me through some tough times. I was just trying to share him with others who may be unhappy and in need of a giggle...I think I did that and then some in the interim. Somehow, it has become more than just a hobby. Some may think I'm crazy but it has become a part of my life now, like eating, showering & sex. It's all worth it because I enjoy it. I'm mighty thankful I didn't let my fears get the best and hire some other douche to be me for the night...only 3 of you, perhaps reading this, were there that night, know for sure.
With Baby Ferguson almost done baking, who knows when Craig will do stand up in New York City again...hope it's sooner than a year, so we can all get together again.
Yours in cheekiness,
Malinky I. Stoatir
Thank you Craig for being you, doing yer thang & sharing that thang with us.
Thank you Dave for being my wing man for the night.
Thank you Randy Kagan for your photo prose...it was lovely to meet you.